Warning Call

My tarot cards warned me to be aware of the devil – so, I fell in love with one.

 I made the choice to smother his demons with kisses.

An attempt to uplift his shit childhood with pretty little future wishes.

 All with the desperate need to teach him how to breathe.

I met a psychic on the bus coming home to the devil one day.

He looked at me with pain in his eyes asking why was I hurting myself.

When he told me the devil didn’t love me, I deafened myself so that all I could hear when I got home to him, was his quick and shallow breath-

For even his lungs were aching to deflate the lies.

I had so many words for you, to justify you, to sugar coat you 

"No he's just- elusive. Observant. Introverted. Stoic."

What I meant was:

He sits in such pregnant silence, the contractions of his untrue I love you’s cause fault lines to rupture.

When I came up with new words for you, they were still a justification:

Evil, asshole, lying piece of shit good for nothing ignorant little boy

But giving you that much anger still gave you too much power.

Once I thought you deserved my love

Then I thought you deserved my hate

All you're gonna get is my indifference.

The only way to stop indulging in the devil is forgiveness.

When I pray for forgiveness,
 the illusion is lifted and 
you are no longer a manifestation of your demons,
 you are not Satan, 
you are human.

You are human
 with karmic lessons, 
and no one but you, 
especially not me
 can take on the responsibility of your evolution.

something journalistic....

Bossy, With The Right Amount of Crazy

Amy Poehler said it best. The women honored at Variety’s Power of Women event, and the rest of us really, need to be “bossy, with the right amount of crazy”. 

There was something cultivating in the room today at P.O.W. That something was an energy that was welcoming and loving; an energy of sisterhood and giving. There was an understanding brewing that there is so much more to the quality of life, and that there is so much that we can do for our world.

            It is important to find that call to action, a spark of inspiration, that makes us step out of our comfort zones and take part in something bigger then we are. That is exactly what the six honorees have experienced and created for others.

            Nicole Kidman leads by example, carrying herself with the “poise and conviction of a leader”. She shared with us that there are only 21 women who run fortune 500 companies. She told us that 1 in 3 women in their lives will be beaten, abused, or raped. Sitting at a table of 12 women I look around at their beautifully different faces, and think that statistically 4 of us will or has experienced that kind of violence.

            Teen Line is a crisis hotline helping teens since 1980. Suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of teen death.  Amy Pascal nailed it on the head when she said “we all need some one who is there for us when we need it most”.

             Elizabeth Banks shared with us her work with the American Heart Association, urging us females to get our EKG’s and all that good stuff. Bet you didn’t know women are 4 times more likely to die from heart disease then from breast cancer!           

            Kerry Washington emphasized the importance of art education in our schools. She shared her own memories and appreciation for art programs.  “I walked to school stepping over used syringes… I think, where would I be today without those dance classes?” A creative outlet can save a child’s life. Art can be a healer and a friend when maybe there is no one else. Results of her art program increased proficiency in math and reading, increased attendance and participation by 36%. To have a passion, escape, and release that is healthy and constructive is so very important to build strong people and communities.

            Amy Poehler really captivated the energy in the room. She made us laugh, she made us cry, she made us think. In the end “love wins”, and when someone can have love for a child who has nothing, nothing, then we are really changing the world.

            Here’s another interesting tidbit; in 2012 more than 50 million people were HIV positive, 2015 will be the first AIDS-free generation in south Africa. Charlize put it in to perspective for us when she asked us to imagine if every single inhabitant of California and Alaska was HIV/ AIDS positive??  Charlize Theron has a deep connection with and love for her home, which is why she has become so involved in the fight against AIDS in south Africa. Dedicating her award to her mother she jokes, “because that bitch was building roads when no one else was”.

            With compassion and the right attitude we can do so much for our brothers and sisters.  The work these women have done to use their money, time, and fame to help progress the human race is truly a beautiful thing, and we could all feel it sitting in that Beverly Hills ballroom. We need to care, we need to love, and we need to step up. Thank you Variety for such a meaningful acknowledgment of human compassion and willingness.

October 4^th, 2013   Anastasia Sara Kaufman