Anastasia Sara Kaufman

Anastasia Sara Kaufman

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Warning Call

My tarot cards warned me to be aware of the devil – so, I fell in love with one.
 I made the choice to smother his demons with kisses.
An attempt to uplift his shit childhood with pretty little future wishes.
 All with the desperate need to teach him how to breathe.

I met a psychic on the bus coming home to the devil one day.
He looked at me with pain in his eyes asking why was I hurting myself.

When he told me the devil didn’t love me, I deafened myself so that all I could hear when I got home to him, was his quick and shallow breath-
For even his lungs were aching to deflate the lies.

I had so many words for you, to justify you, to sugar coat you 
"No he's just- elusive. Observant. Introverted. Stoic."
What I meant was:
He sits in such pregnant silence, the contractions of his untrue I love you’s cause fault lines to rupture.

When I came up with new words for you, they were still a justification:
Evil, asshole, lying piece of shit good for nothing ignorant little boy
But giving you that much anger still gave you too much power.
Once I thought you deserved my love
Then I thought you deserved my hate
All you're gonna get is my indifference.

The only way to stop indulging in the devil is forgiveness.
When I pray for forgiveness,
 the illusion is lifted and 
you are no longer a manifestation of your demons,
 you are not Satan, 
you are human.
You are human
 with karmic lessons, 
and no one but you, 
especially not me
 can take on the responsibility of your evolution.

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